I needed (and still need) to figure out what I’m doing and where I’m going with my life. And when I was with him, I’d look at certain people (mainly celebrities) and wonder.. What’s going to happen when I find someone like this? Am I supposed to leave the person I’m with? I can’t be with him forever since I’ve never been completely crazy about him. And I know the chances of me meeting and marrying a celebrity are pretttty low, but I think my whole wonder about meeting and eventually falling for someone famous just came from my wonder about meeting and eventually falling for someone who I really would be crazy about.. who in return would be crazy about me. I didn’t have that. We weren’t crazy about each other. There may have been love, but love isn’t always enough.

We weren’t even that compatible. I don’t know if I’m telling this myself to make it all easier on me, or if it’s really true. I mean, I believe it’s true, but it could just be some unconscious coping method of mine. But either way, I know there’s someone out there for me who is incredibly special, who will love me more than anything, and will cherish every moment we spend together. I just want to adore and be adored. I’m pretty damn adoring most of the time.. So why is it so hard?